Mumblings

I’m an extremely inconsistant blogger…I think it has to do with the fact that absolutely no one reads my blog. However, it is cathartic for me to write about my meager goings-on, so I still persist. Even though it has been months. I really do need to get better at this!

I think I also stray away from writing because there is truly nothing going on. Especially on the fertility front. I haven’t had a normal period for who knows who long (OK- I know…3 months, 12 days and 8 hours). But you get my gist. It is kind of hard to try to have a baby when you are not ovulating. It feels almost like banging your head against a wall every month. Especially when your husband refuses to pursue any sort of fertility treatments until you lose 30 lbs. UGH. I get it though….it could help. It will help…I mean it wouldn’t hurt. And Lord knows I am trying…I have been semi successful. But sometimes, it just seems pointless. Charting temps that go absolutely nowhere…taking test that continually read negative. I’m beginning to wonder if I am going to ever be capable of getting pregnant. I just want to know, ya know. Yes or no….then we can go from there.

I’ve always known that we are supposed to adopt. God spoke that message to my heart long long ago, when I was just a teenager, just diagnosed with PCOS. Now, 10+ years later I have not forgotten that promise. But I also thought I’d be pregnant by now. I thought after almost a year of trying we’d have some sort of success. If not pregnancy than at least ovulation- at least regular cycles. Nope…nothing. Which brings me to our decision to stop. Yes, stop trying that it…to have a baby. At least for now, until I can lose these stubborn 30 pounds. That is my husbands request. And after 10+ months of obsession and ridiculous requests(on my part) I feel like I owe him this. I really do owe both of us this. We’re going to step back and give ourselves the best natural chance at this we can. Healthy weights, healthy mindsets…one more go at it au natural.

Then…if that doesn’t do it. Well you know where that will put us. Fertility treatments, adoption…we’re open to all options. But for now I will focus on losing the weight and practicing patience. It this isn’t a big enough incentive to lose weight then nothing ever will be!

~ by ofthreestrands on September 11, 2008.